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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 18, Episode 5
The following is a guide to Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the fifth episode of the eighteenth series. Key EG: Ed Gamble MA: Maisie Adam EB: Ed Byrne LD: Larry Dean HD: Hugh Dennis TS: Tiff Stevenson Topics Rejected Exam Questions HD: History of Modern Art, question 1: What the fuck is that meant to be? EG: No Deal Brexit Technology: Using only a battery and a dead rat, create a solar panel to hear your last tin of beans. LD: If you have two lines of equal length, how long is it until you can run for Prime Minister? MA: If Susie has three bananas and two apples, what is the probability she's already told you about her new plant based diet? TS: Draw a perfect sphere. You may use a protractor or Dara O Briain's head as a guide. EB: Political science: Boris Johnson is set to be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain. Please explain how without using the term "clusterfuck". HD: If Mary has six apples, Thomas has four apples, and Gavin has a knife, who has the apples? EG: Solve X and Y by asking my ex, "WHY?!" HD: Animal Husbandry, question 1: Do you take this sheep to be your lawful wedded husband? MA: A-Level Statistics, question 1: What percentage of you lot are VIRGINS! LD: If a milkshake is traveling towards a fascist at 30 miles an hour, how funny is that?! EB: Metalwork: fashion a toast rack. Heavy Metalwork: Release a double album about your love of Satan. EG: Without using the letter C, spell Jeremy Hunt. TS: Chemistry: Do we have it, because I think there's a bit of a thing between us. EB: Panel show host qualification exam: Can you work a poxy buzzer? (Dara pauses before pressing buzzer) HD: Who knew? EG: If a boy is bullied at school for eight hours a day and he has to use to use comedy as a defense mechanism, WHO'S THE REAL LOSER''' NOW, NEIL JOHNSON?!' Unlikely Things To Hear On A Gardening Programme '''EG:' And this is the soil where I spread my seed last week. In fairness, I didn't know the cameras were on. HD: Well, they look like onions, but they're not onions. They're my testicles. MA: I got the lawnmower from Halford's, I got the rake from B&Q, and I got the hoe from singlesexybabesinmyarea.com. EG: These are my peonies, and these es my peenees. EB: Gardening: All the effort of farming, but none of the profit. LD: So now that we've filled the hole, let's pop off town to the pet shop and try to find an identical dog. HD: People ask me why do you grow vegetables, and the answer is I don't know. It's much cheaper at Tesco's... (suddenly realizing something) and I could have had a life. MA: This beautiful rose is just like my wife: Vibrant, full of life, and if you try to touch it, you feel a prick. Why did you leave me, Karen? EG: (sniffs something) WELCOME TO GARDENING WITH MICHAEL GOVE! TS: As you can see, these blackberries aren't doing very well, and that is because the technology is shit and not compatible with anything. LD: It's great to have a part of your garden that attracts (notices something and stomps on it) wildlife. EB: Sweetpea: Often overlooked, but shouldn't be as it could be the first symptom of type 2 diabetes. HD: Well, to be honest, I would dig it out with a spade, but I've never seen a blackhead like it. LD: Welcome to the garden of remembrance. There's where I left my keys. EB: There are hard and fast rules when it comes to laying turf: Sod's law. (audience groans) Oh, come on! EG: I keep all my gardening equipment in different places. I've got hoes in different area codes. (EB: No way! No way!) Wait, I've got one more. There are hard and fast rules when it comes to laying turf: Sod's law! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See